TV character rankings: Black-ish
Last week, I started a series called “Character rankings.” The goal is simple: choose a butt ton of TV shows, and rank their characters (major and minor) in descending order. The series doesn’t exactly carry the brevity of a lot of the writing here on Medium, but at the same time, everyone needs a little puff reading in their day, and these should (hopefully) be entertaining, if for no other reason than they can start a little bar room debate etc. We started with The Office last time, and today we’ll take a look at the characters from Black-ish, ABC’s hysterical sitcom set to start up again on September 21. If you don’t watch the show, go marathon seasons 1 and 2 and come back for this article later. You won’t regret it.
16) Lucy — Catherine Reitman
Poor Catherine Reitman, she could go on to be the most successful actress in the world, and I would still see her as Maureen Ponderosa from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, sporting a dead tooth and chasing unsuccessfully (for the most part, at least) after Dennis. In Black-ish, she doesn’t have a dead tooth, at least, but that’s about all that can be said. She just isn’t given a ton to work with.
15) Daphne Lido — Wanda Sykes
Yup, a semi-regular Wanda Sykes comes in 15th on this list, that should tell you something. Sykes is an incredible comedic talent, but she’s just not on screen enough to hang with some of these other characters. You know what you’re getting from Sykes when she is, though. Pitch-perfect delivery in her excellent comedic voice.
14) June Bug/Gigi — Michael Strahan/Tyra Banks
As Black-ish goes further and further into its career, it will undoubtedly rank up more and more celebrity guest stars, and for now, these two take the 14th ranking with a pair of excellent cameos. Strahan plays Dre’s bully of a cousin, and overdoes it in a charming way that only Strahan could pull off. (See his cameo on Chuck for the same type of deal.) As for Banks, she plays Dre’s childhood best friend, who made it as a famous pop star, and is one of his (while maybe not Bow’s) first thoughts to raise the kids if they were to be orphaned.
13) Josh — Jeff Meacham
Meacham has the highest ceiling/lowest floor of any character on Black-ish. He’s like the J.R. Smith of the show, when he’s on the show can win an NBA title, and when he’s off, well the show is still good, but it has a few moments as awkward as the 2013 Knicks. Weird fact about Josh, he has appeared in the most episodes of the show, outside of the five main Johnson family members, of any cast member, according to IMDB. Wouldn’t have guessed that.
12) Janine — Nicole Sullivan
I really want to put the Johnsons nosy, albeit well-meaning, neighbor higher, as I’ve been a big fan of Sullivan since her turn as Jill Tracy on Scrubs, but the show just has so many good characters who are featured in more episodes. Sorry Janine!
11) Rhonda Johnson — Raven-Symone
The former Disney child star excels in her role as Andre’s gay younger sister, a fact that really throws the old school, Jesus and hallelujah praising Ruby for a loop. One of the best things about Black-ish is they have yet to shy away from any subject facing the black community right now, and how the old school folks (of any color) deal with children or grandchildren who are gay was handled with aplomb (and plenty of humor) on Black-ish, as is to be expected at this point.
10) Jack Johnson — Miles Brown
The lowest-rated member of the direct Johnson family, Brown is an adorable kid actor, but that fact is certainly not lost on the writing crew, who play it up a little too much. Jack is still a great character (“You’re looking for a spot to hide right now, aren’t you”), but just can’t quite hang with the big boys.
9) Diane Johnson — Marsai Martin
Jack’s twin sister, (that’s right Mr. Mellencamp, the twins are named Jack and Diane) Diane is a brilliant character. She doesn’t think her mom’s job at the hospital is cool until she sees a dude with an axe in his head; she grill Pops on different forms of corporal punishment; and she can drop the bomb with a brutally honest take (“You’re already the most beautiful person in the world, Mommy. Except your toes, those are jacked up.”) Diane is always planning something, and is going to be a (hilarious) handful as the seasons move along.
8) Pops — Laurence Fishburne
We saw more of Pops in Season 1 than Season 2, but his sarcastic love for Dre, and pitch-perfect old school father vibe were a fixture in the show’s original days. Fishburne could read the phone book and I’d watch, so seeing him with some solid writers teeing him up is gold. “I listened to her, gave her some generic advice in a deep, soothing voice. I’m Morgan Freeman.”
7) Ruby — Jenifer Lewis
It’s fitting that Pops and Ruby sit right next to each other in the ranks, as the two divorced parents of Dre have some of their best moments when playing off each other (the episode when Pops learns about Ruby’s hot, new, young boyfriend is particularly great). That being said, Ruby can own a scene all on her own, as her rants against Mexicans and subsequent praising of Mexicans in the Season 1 Christmas episode can attest to.
6) Charlie Telphy — Deon Cole
Cole has one of the most expressive faces on television right now (his work on Angie Tribeca is spot on, as well), and it is put to good use on Black-ish. Whether he’s taking selfies in the break room with Zoey, seducing Amber Rose, or showing up at a dinner party with a half-eaten burger, Cole slays as Dre’s work acquaintance, Charlie.
5) Zoey Johnson — Yara Shahidi
The eldest of Dre’s progeny, Zoey works best when she acts as the sympathetic older sibling. The Johnson kids are among the best kid actor on TV right now, and Shahidi does great work balancing her extreme popularity while also being a kick-ass oldest sister.
4) Mr. Stevens — Peter Mackenzie
The least-woke white male of all-time, Mackenzie kills it as the perfect embodiment of privilege in Black-ish. He says all the things that people just aren’t allowed to say these days (“Calm down there, sweet cans”), but does so with such naivety that he comes off weirdly endearing to Dre as well as the audience.
3) Andre Johnson — Anthony Anderson
The main star of the show, we’re reaching the big guns now. Anderson can definitely be a bit self-preening in his leading man role, but his willingness to also make fun of himself as Dre is the best part of the show. Having a leading man who is willing to look like a buffoon early and often gives a tentpole to each episode, and allows the other characters to play off of Dre’s buffoonery, which they do to a T. Anderson himself has plenty of hysterical lines, and only partially because he fires off so many jokes through the course of the episode. Dre is also a great father and husband by the end of every episode, usually having learned his lesson in a way Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm just never could.
2) Rainbow Johnson — Tracee Ellis Ross
To call Bow Dre’s wife is unfair, it should probably be that Dre is Bow’s husband, because Ross steals the show on Black-ish. Similar to Deon Cole’s Charlie, a good amount of Tracee Ellis Ross’ humor is portrayed in her facial expressions, as she manages to land the entire joke without a word of dialogue numerous times every episode, the perfect compliment to Anderson’s verbose and over-the-top Dre. She proved her bona fides in the pilot episode (“Well if I’m not really lack, then could somebody please tell my hair and my ass”) and has never looked back since.
1) Andre Johnson Jr. — Marcus Scribner
The breakout star of the show IMHO, Dre’s oldest son is playing off an age-old trope (black nerd), but does it better than anyone else ever has. He is the author of the two funniest moments of the show, bar none (taking his shirt off to talk about his sex life with his dad and showing up on stage at the new church the Johnsons have joined), and is basically a guaranteed laugh every time he shows up on the screen. The best part about Junior, you can be Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, it doesn’t matter, we all know someone like Junior, and can all revel in his hilarious words of wisdom and just complete disregard for trying to be one of the cool kids.
